DAY 6 - August 19, 2004 - Labadee, Hispanola

Okay. It's not like I enjoy nagging, but I specifically told Daniel that we should be ready to leave at 9 a.m. ‘cause we needed to catch a tender boat to get to Royal Caribbean’s private island, Labadee.

Our kayaking excursion was slated for 9:30 and I wanted to have a little leeway time to make sure that we got there on time and didn’t get screwed out of our money.

Flo and I were still walking away from our cabin when we fully read the ticket to see that we had to be at the gangway by 9 a.m.(yes...we have a habit of reading the fine print only when it's almost too late)

I looked at my watch.

It was now 9 a.m.

Hoofing it like two madwomen, we rushed onto the first deck to find Derek and Darren.

“Where’s Daniel?” I asked.

They both shrugged and we had to decide in a matter of minutes what we were going to do.

Should we wait around for a few minutes for him to show up or should we just go?

Derek reasoned we’d paid a lot of money for that kayaking trip and it’d be stupid for all of us to miss out on it. Besides, Daniel would probably know enough to get onto the tender boat, right? And when we got onto the first jam-packed boat, we thought we saw him get in later on. (Or at least that's what we told ourselves.)

It was while we were on the tender boat that I discovered Derek had bought four tickets, instead of two.

The tickets were marked clearly with the words “NON-REFUNDABLE.”

And now, we were shuttling our way to an island with minutes to spare before the excursion was supposed to start and with two extra tickets we didn't need and didn't want. It was hot and we were irritable.

Flo had her camera handy and wanted to get a picture of the sign, but as soon as she held up the camera Flo said we all seemed to run and plant ourselves right in front of the camera.

God knows why.

Derek, Darren and I look angry and irritated in the picture.

We stood under the shade and watched as a stream of people flowed off the tender boat.

I think we all knew we were just deluding ourselves because nobody even remotely resembling Daniel got off that boat.

Later, we learned that he’d come down and just looked around for us. And by the time he figured he was supposed to get onto the boat, he found out he didn’t have his tickets with him and he had to run back to get them.

He caught the next available tender boat and made his way to the kayak area just to see us take off.

The woman at the Information booth told us where to go and we walked along a rocky path, trudging through the hot sand.

When we got to the kayak area, we had to sign waiver forms and the guide told us it was all right for us to leave behind our stuff in the little bins within the booth.

Darren passed by me and said in Hakka, “That girl is really pretty.”

I had to laugh because the way he said it was in a halting, weird way — like he was some white guy who’d only recently been taught how to say a phrase in Chinese.

I thought the girl was really rude. I tried to ask her about Derek’s extra tickets, but she either didn’t hear me or ignored my question altogether. She looked bored and had a stony expression.

We were given quick instructions on how to work the kayak — it wasn’t exactly brain surgery. We just needed to coordinate and make sure our movements were in sync. (It's not as idiot-proof as it sounds...or maybe my sister and I are just incredibly, incredibly uncoordinated.)

Before we took off, Flo debated whether she should bring her digital camera.

“What are the chances that we might tip over and fall into the water?” she asked me.

“Come on. It’s us. Use your judgment.”

“Okay, I’ll leave it behind.”

She regretted it later on because as we started paddling in unison, we were taken away by the breathtaking views of the coast.

I know most Caribbean islands look the same, but there was something pristine and beautiful about Labadee. Maybe it was the fact that it wasn’t a place where people lived and it was simply used as a private island for passengers aboard Royal Caribbean ships.

Everywhere you looked, there were long stretches of sandy beach and palm trees.

There were the occasional market areas where local Haitians took a water taxi to get to when they knew a ship was going to dock the next day.

Whenever a water taxi full of Haitians passed us, they openly and boldly stared — which was a little scary.

Kayaking was kind of hard work. We had a lot of water splash onto the boat and whenever the guide stopped to blab on at length in unintelligible Spanish-accented English, our kayak didn’t exactly stop. We continued to float further and further away from the group.

Derek and Darren were always in the thick of the pack while Flo and I were always the second last.

We'd make a terrible team if we were ever on "The Amazing Race."

They even had this kayak rescue taxi following us around and one of the guides actually asked us if we were okay.

I guess it’s not uncommon to have someone tip over and need to be rescued. The only person who tipped over was the guide, though.

He led us to this area where there were a bunch of Haitians waiting for us and as we neared the sandy shore, they rushed forward to pull our kayaks ashore. It was a little overwhelming to have a whole bunch of people flock towards you.

Speaking in soft voices and in such low tones that you could barely hear what was being said, they led you to their selection of goods, which were laid out on mats. They kept gesturing towards their wares and the minute you started to walk off, someone else would come up to you and insist that you follow them to their mat.

After awhile, I found it was just easier to turn my back on them all and stand in the shallow water, watching the fish flit back and forth.

It was nearing 11 a.m. at this point and we figured the others must have made it to the island by now. When we got out, we were surprised to find Daniel wasn’t there yet.

As I ripped off my life jacket and gathered our things, Flo noticed several jelly fish. She tried to focus in on one that was flitting past, but then we spotted another one that was much clearer.

It looked so strange and beautiful. It was an oddly thrilling moment to just have the four of us watch this jelly fish.

I can’t even be sure it was really a jelly fish. It was still very cool, though.

Looking around, we figured that it’d be better if we found a place closer to the food hut and the market place. We bumped into Uncle Wei Kuo, who decided to go along with us, laughing that when the other three came back, they’d find everything missing once again.

When he found out about Derek’s extra tickets, it turned out to be a big mess. At first, Uncle Wei Kuo figured that the three adults could take them and go kayaking, but then it turned out Theresa and Aunt Ying didn’t particularly want to go.

Aunt Ying and Theresa were in the market place, already trying to scope out a few deals.

The thing to know about the women in my family is that they're masters at barginning. Seriously, you don't want to mess with these women.

When they ambled back to our new spot, Theresa was holding these wooden figurines she was planning on giving to someone.

“They’re only $2 each,” she said proudly. “I talked the guy down from $20.”

Aunt Ying told us about how one guy tried to sell her an urn for about $1,000.

“What do I look like? Stupid?” she asked hotly. She managed to talk the guy down to $30, but decided it was probably a better idea to have her husband take a look at it before any money was exchanged.

She complained about how rude the Haitian vendors were.

Apparently, if you stand around without buying anything, they ask you what the hell you’re still doing there and try to shoo you away.

The vendors were actually pretty intense. They’d insist on giving you a good deal and if you looked at anything for a millisecond too long, they’d thrust the item into your hand, telling you they’d give you a “very good deal.”

Aunt Ying said that part of the bargaining process was about being willing to walk away when negotiations stalled.

They’d talked the price of an urn down to $20 amidst Aunt Ying’s proclamations of how poor she was.

“Yeah, so poor that she could only afford to go on the second largest ship in the world instead of the biggest one,” I said after we’d walked away.

Getting a little angsty after we’d reached the third or fourth stall, Aunt Ying said that we should turn back and “reluctantly” accept the $20 price tag. The key is "reluctant". You have to act like you're doing them a favour. Plus, you want to get them so harassed that they'll practically give you what you want.

Later, Uncle Wei Kuo told Aunt Ying about the extra kayaking tickets, which got her worried.

Okay, maybe not worried. More like pissed...in the way that only parents can get. You know what I'm talking about right? They just give you this look of such deep disappointment that you'd think you did something so much more unforgiveable than anyone could possibly imagine.

When we’d been exploring the beach, we’d come across this sign that said we should beware of a whole list of sea creatures. Among them was sea lice.

I’m not even sure what that is, but it didn’t sound like a good thing.

We made the mistake of walking without our flip flops on and it was kind of funny watching Aunt Ying hop madly from foot to foot as she raced from one shaded area to the next. The sand was scorching and we had to bury our feet under the shady area for a few minutes before we were able to hobble forward.

From where we were wading, we could see the Navigator.

Aunt Ying asked if the water was saltwater and when we said yes, she stuck out her tongue and slowly lowered herself until her tongue touched the water. Screwing up her face in disgust, she spat out the salty taste in her mouth.

“I had to find out for myself,” she said.

We noticed Jenny, Darren’s class mate and when he arrived on the beach, we started to tease him about it.

Aunt Ying seemed to be intrigued by the fact that Jenny’s uncle had this weird patch on the back of his head that had no hair on it. She said it looked like a belly button and started to swim after him so she could get a better view.

Theresa, Flo and I laughed our heads off, ‘cause Aunt Ying complained that he was being so uncooperative and wouldn’t stand still.

Theresa said he should have kept his hat on even in the water because the belly button on his head looked so gross.

We tried to guess what it could be. A birth mark? The result of some sort of brain surgery? Maybe he had a brain tumour?

Darren complained his mother was being so embarrassing and he tried to laugh off the fact that I told him Jenny was checking him out whenever she thought he wasn’t looking her way. He pretended he didn’t notice her and kept it cool.

The water around us was actually kind of oily looking — probably because of all the sun screen that had washed off of the bodies of all the people around us.

It was kind of gross.

At one point, I felt a little prick against my arm and I wondered if it was the dreaded sea lice.

Darren, Flo and I decided to head back to the chairs and when we got there, Derek told us that he managed to get the tickets refunded after all. He also told us that Daniel had bought some paintings from the vendors during his kayak trip and that he needed to go pay $3 for it.

Derek and Uncle Wei Kuo thought it’d be funny to tell Theresa that Daniel bargained down the price from $30 to $25.

She didn’t take it too well.

Daniel had to walk all the way back to the kayak area just to give the guy his money. When you buy something during the kayak trip, the vendor hops on a kayak and follows you back to the main area with the merchandise in tow and waits while you go get your money.

Uncle Wei Kuo and Derek, on the other hand, were having too good a time yanking Theresa’s chain.

“What can you do? He really likes the painting,” Uncle Wei Kuo said, not even trying to keep a straight face.

Derek didn’t help matters any by repeatedly demonstrating the size of the painting.

“It’s only this big,” he said, motioning with his hands. “And it cost $25.”

As much as we wanted to see Theresa’s face when she learned it really only cost Daniel $3, Darren, Flo and I opted to return on the tender boat.

Derek joined us shortly afterwards.

As we neared the boat, Daniel popped up beside us. Aunt Ying said that Uncle Wei Kuo readily confessed to Theresa that we’d just been joking as soon as we all left.

I was starving again and could hardly wait for dinner. Flo managed to capture a really funny picture of Derek.

This was the face he was always making whenever he did his stupid roaring shtick. I don’t know why he always thought it was so funny, but he pretended to be a monster of some sort every night and would make this weird face.

Tonight’s main course included rack of lamb, which you could have served with mint jelly. I decided not to even try it ‘cause the vibrant green colour totally turned me off. Flo said it tasted like toothpaste.

The apple crumble cake was to die for, though. Served with vanilla ice cream, the warm cake just melted in your mouth. It was one of the better desserts offered. Maybe it wasn’t a great idea to indulge in too much considering there was supposed to be a midnight buffet later that night.

The main event at the Metropolis Theatre was El Gaucho, a bizarrely-dressed guy from Uruguay and did a comic/music/rope trick routine. I don’t know he did it, but he’d whip those ropes around in a frenzy, snapping the balls connected at the ends smartly against the floor, and manage not to wound himself.

He even called up this dorky-looking Chinese nerd from Toronto to sit on the stage as he parted the guy’s hair with the spinning ropes while he had his head turned.

I was afraid he’d snap the guy’s head off and we’d be looking at a whole lot of blood on the stage.

Tonight was packed with things to do. As soon as the show at the Metropolis let out, people streamed out and headed to Studio B where there was going to be an adult game show called “The Quest.”

“The Quest” turned out to be a lot more fun than any of us suspected. The audience was divided up into sections and we had to select a female and male team leader for each group and when Becky, the cruise director, told us what item we had to pick out from our section, we had to hand it to the team leader and they’d have to race to Becky. Whoever got there first would be awarded a certain number of points.

At one point, we needed a single, male team member to go up on stage and Daniel went up.

As the game went on, Becky managed to get the men undressed down to their boxers, wearing nothing else but a bra and with lipstick smeared all over their faces.

They had to hold hands with a male member of their team and prance around the skating rink.

One woman accidentally flashed us when she was trying to take off her bra. That was...well...not funny. It was disturbing.

The end of “The Quest” led way to the Rockin’ Through the Ages dance party as Adam’s Rib came on stage and started to perform Stand By Me.

Derek the Singer’s voice had gotten progressively rough around the edges as the days went on and tonight, he sounded especially off-key.

The midnight buffet preview was about to start in a few minutes, anyway, and we made our way to the dining room to find the doors opened and the lights turned off inside.

It was kind of a surreal experience because overhead, you could hear a hushed voice give some details about the culinary staff and about the types of food used to make the various sculptures that were on display.

The reverential way the guy was speaking over the PA system, you'd think we were at a Christie's auction or something.

Everything looked almost too good to eat — almost. (Who am I kidding? We're pigs. Anything that's edible is going to get eaten...no matter how good it looks.)

At that time of night, I wasn’t really in the mood to stuff myself into oblivion.

You know what amazes me though? It's how the people who shouldn't be stuffing their faces are usually the ones with their plates piled up with enough food to feed a family of four. People disgust me sometimes.